Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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