Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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