Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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