I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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