So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
