You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
