I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
