I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
