He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
