PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Even my vagina gasped.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
