Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
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we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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