am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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