Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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