My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
