just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
