Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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