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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  Welcome to every minute of my life.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.

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• (518): View more from New York

  alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?

  (1-518): View more from New York

  dude. you drew those with your dick

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun

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• (315): View more from New York

  He tried to tip me with his police badge...

  (1-315): View more from New York

  and you didn't accept WHY?!

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  The power of my boobs compel you

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.

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