Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
