I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
