Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
