My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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