So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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