Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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