I just pynch a tree in the face
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
