my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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