You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
