eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
