what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
