mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
