the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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