someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize