i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
