I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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