My first STD was from a foam party
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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