can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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