why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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