If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My legs feel like baby dolphins
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
