I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
