I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
