your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
