Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
