i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen