I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.