It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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