can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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