so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
