I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
