In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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