The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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