I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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