Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Bring me that man meat
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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