Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
