Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
