What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
