i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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