Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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