just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
