i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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