I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
