I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
