Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
