Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
