I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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