Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
