she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
