He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
