Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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