ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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