Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
