please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
