Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
