I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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