Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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