Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
