My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
