i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
