are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
