I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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