He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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