I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
