i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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