so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
