So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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