It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
