I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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