i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
