When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In America we eat man semen.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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