Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
